Status: Holy fuck, why is my love life so unnecessarily complicated right now.
2/1/2026
Ughhh fuck dude, February.. And of course at the start of it, Abe is immediately MIA. Idk why he hasnt messaged or responded to yesterdays messages but whatever. I kinda care but also dont cuz if he does ditch me it was bound to happen. No man would wait an entire year for a woman lol. Anyways. I got sooo much done around the house today!! I reorganized my closet so its nice and neat and functional now. Sorry Marie Kondo, idk if ur method works for a rising dental student lol. So now whenever I get my laundry back from the cleaners itll just be my folded stuff that I just stuff into their cubbies instead of hanging them. I was totally demotivated having to hang up laundry but now that its folded I think itll be okay. My packages should arrive tomorrow so ill be able to reduce the amount of laundry I have to take to the cleaners hopefully. Ill probs just take bigger heavier clothes like jackets instead of trying to do those myself.
Fuck also I found this new song called Maru-Maru-chan by Aimyon. Dude the lyrics are so fucking me lol i hated it. I wanted to cry listening to it. It made me think when tf am I actually going to be chosen, if ever. Would I be okay just being a lonely girl for the rest of my life? Then the Epstein files dropped and now im just disgusted by men all over again and I think, why tf am I so obsessed with having a man. I just want somebody I can hold and cuddle already, and have them learn everything about me and care about me..
I am not excited for Valentines either. Last year, I had Taylor, he doesnt message anymore, but I sometimes wonder how hes doing. But this is the first time Im raw doggin this shit solo, no friends really, no hookups, no dates setup. Its really just gonna be me and the stupid gooner shit Nando sends lol. Oh and its on exam week too, guess its an excuse for me to lock in finally. I drew a pic today from how moved I was by that song earlier. It was me sleeping on somebody's shoulder under the tree in the school courtyard. I guess I wont have a college sweetheart either. But a girl can fantasize cant she?
Fuck i wanna workout so bad rn, but its a rest day. ill pick it up tomorrow. Its PE tomorrow and I hope I dont have to be anywhere towards the front when we have to dance to that stupid Golden song. I just wanna get my mind outta my feels right now.
Dammit i also got that garth brooks album in my head. Somewhere other than the Night is also putting me in my feels right now. Country really does choose you ig. I wish some man would listen to this song and think about me.
Oh some guy from bumble shared his album with me. I didnt give it a listen all the way thru yet cuz its on spotify, but his voice is clear and its kinda good. Maybe Ill entertain him a little bit. Ugh today really is one of those days that I cant help but obsess over guys. I hate this. Just SOMEBODY fucking stay. ugh and now i sound gross and desperate.
Last night, Ivan of all people added me to his close friends out of NO WHERE. and he posted HELLAAA gonner shit and cat girls like the cosplay i did the other day. Like same hair, length and color. I asked Nando about it, and he said its probably nothing, but my gut says otherwise. I talked to the guy twice, and then he does this?? And hes MARRIED?? like fucking hell dude. Guess I could get back at stupid Fae for being a bitch to me by taking her man rn, but im not that type of girl. Guess there must be trouble in paradise with those two or something.
Oh and of course when I tell Angel and Misye they dont message or ask me if im okay or anything. Ig its not that big of a deal, but it would be nice if they just said something in at least aknowledgement. Ig i got my answer with that group, I got no business sharing that type of stuff. But FUCKKKKKK that just makes me even more lonely. I hate this, why does nobody fucking care about what I have to say?? Nobody fucking cares at all.
Weird too how all this happens after Alastor adds me. Like you're weird for that. Hes might be showing Ivan and Fred my account and theyre all gooning to my posts, those fucking perverts. But good, hope they see how much I glowed up and how each of them shouldve been nicer to me when they all had the chance.
I needa really lock in on my diet and workouts. I havent lost weight but I still feel like it so i gotta lock in and double time this shit. If Nando says 185lbs is the goal then I think I can make it. I look okay now, average girl vibes, but now I gotta work towards actual baddie status so no mater what clothes people force me to wear I will always look good. I wanna keep showing everybody up. Even if I become more intimidating, I wanna lock in for myself and crush everybody in my way. Lea and Blessy and every bitchy pretty girl will get theirs when I show them all up. Just watch me.
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Status: Holy fuck, why is my love life so unnecessarily complicated right now.
